November is known to many as the month of gratitude, but here at Keep it Vertical, November was the month of saying no with an emphasis on putting yourself first. All month long we gave you tips that you can respectfully apply in your everyday life. Did you miss out on our weekly words of advice? No worries, here’s a recap of our No No No November theme.
Week 1: When should you say no?
When you don’t want to do something
I live by this philosophy: you can’t pour into others without pouring into yourself first. You may be the most giving person in the world, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to yes when you truly don’t want to. It’s okay to say no. You may not be in the mood. You may want to prioritize something else. You may just want to chill out and do nothing. All of these reasons are more than good enough to say no.
2. When it’s not safe
Why put yourself at risk to do something you do not feel comfortable with? Peer pressure is real, and many may have fallen victim due to the fear of saying no. It’s time to eliminate that stigma and not be afraid to say no when you don’t feel safe. You have control over what you choose to do. You should never allow anyone to make you feel less than for not wanting to be involved in anything that puts you in an unsafe predicament or environment. You always have the right to say no.
3. When it does not align with who you are
Always be true to who you are! You are the master of your destiny and no one has the power to change that. If someone asks you to do something that doesn’t match your character or personality, you can tell them no. Complying with something or someone that makes you feel uncomfortable can move you backward instead of pushing you forward. Trust your instincts or as some like to say, “ Trust the vibes.” When you keep positive energy around you, you will never be forced to do anything you are not comfortable with.
Week 2: How do you say no?
1. Be clear
Have you ever told someone “maybe”, “I’m not sure”, or “ I’ll think about it” knowing deep down you wanted to say no? Please stop doing that yourself, and use the word “No”. The recipient doesn’t have to like your answer, you do. Being clear and direct in your repose will help avoid mixed signals. Once you say, “No, I don’t want to,” there’s nothing else that needs to be explained.
2. Offer choices
You may not be able to do exactly what is asked, but you can offer to do something that you are comfortable with as an alternative. For example, if if someone asks you to complete a project for them and you didn’t want to, an alternative could be helping them acquire the needed supplies, assist with some of the research, or maybe you can point them in the direction of someone more suited for what they need. It is important to set a boundary for what you will and will not do. Offering options is also a great way to keep you from putting more on your load than you need to. You know what you can handle!
3. Without apology
Why should you feel bad for saying no? It’s your right to decline something you don’t want to do. If the person you’re saying no to doesn’t like it, that’s okay. They don’t have to, and you don’t have to apologize for saying it. Saying no without apology equates to putting yourself first. Need help knowing how to say no? Watch the video below for a few fun and helpful ways you can incorporate no into your answer.
Week 3: What are the benefits of saying no?
Self-care and empowerment
No is a powerful statement. When you say no, you are setting the tone for what you feel comfortable with. You have to do what you need to do for you. You shouldn’t have to be stressed or anxious because you regret saying yes. Put yourself first and just say, “No.”
Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are not only physical but emotional. They are needed to keep you protected! Even though it may be scary to set boundaries with those we care about, it is important to be in tune with how you feel. You have the power to create a healthy space to freely express yourself.
You’re being true to yourself
Every time you say no, it adds to the value of your character. Don’t be afraid to let others know where you stand. No one should make you feel uncomfortable, and you should never have to do something you don’t want to. Always remember, it’s okay to say no. Keep your head up and always keep your spirit lifted.
Blog Post written by: Simone Loudd, 1/2 of LoveLoudd, LLC.